A Pirate Marriage Proposal

Ahh... the conclusions we make.

Never really did a lot of "people watching." Never sat in the middle of a mall with a few friends and made guesses about what a person does for a living, or made a bunch of assumptions based on a first impression. Good date night, I suppose.

Today, however, I unintentionally did some people watching on the way home from class. I was walking along Addison Street and looked across the street to see a guy down on one knee, boombox to the left of him, two people standing in front talking to him, and another guy further off to the side with a camcorder on a tripod. Oh, by the way... the guy on one knee was dressed like a pirate.

Yep, buccaneer shirt and one of those black tri-corner hat deals. Not sure why there's a pirate in Wrigleyville in March (the Pittsburgh Pirates aren't playing at Wrigley Field until May 14th). I suppose the fact that there was a camera guy could mean they're filming "Pirates of the Caribbean 4: The Pirates Take Cook County" or something. But that's not the conclusion I drew. No.

This guy was practicing for a marriage proposal. He was going to turn on the boombox to lure out his lover, get down on one knee, propose, and have the camera guy capture the moment. All while dressed like Long John Silver.

I'm not exactly sure what a pirate says to a woman he wants to marry. Not really known for commitment, that sort. Mostly just find a port, go to an alehouse, spend your plundered doubloons on tankards of mead and turkey legs, find a lusty wench or barmaid, spend a night of drunken revelry with them, and awaken to find yourself in a horse trough being nuzzled by some nag. That's a pirate's idea of a committed relationship. You don't typically think of a pirate getting on one knee and saying, "Will ye do me the honor of being me wife?"

So ladies, remember... if a pirate proposes to you, say no. Sure, he'll promise you riches (his share of the booty), but his true love will always be the sea. He'll sail home every two years or so, give you a scraggly-beard kiss, be surprised at the new Pirate Junior additions to the family since he last saw you, then sail away again in search of adventure. Don't settle for a pirate. Give your love to a ninja. You might not see him much, either... but he's always around.